Change the tape

As a natural early riser and a productivity addict, I find it hard to slow down. Naturally, I think the day is over once 11am hits and I haven’t done anything. My head is never clear of the unfinished tasks, a list that only gets longer. Especially now, with a baby in my life. The constant battle of guilt, shame, and an unwavering pressure to do it all is no stranger to me.

My internal tape has played in my head for as long as I can remember. It needs to change - and I’ve been actively working to find a replacement. Why do I think that measuring success in a day is told by the number of tasks I finish? What’s wrong with prioritizing my own health? Why do I think that I can’t accomplish anything past 11am, and that the day is practically over?

A while back, I was chatting with a close friend about this. We talked about how we tend to move through our days focused on what needs to get done and fast-forward to the end when everything is finally over. It’s as if we’re playing a video game and the most points go to whoever optimizes their day and checks off the most tasks. I told her that it’s hard to find downtime, and she agreed.

I also recently read that we can change this internal game. The key is to switch up how we score it. Instead of rewarding yourself for common tasks accomplished, such as putting the dishes away, doing laundry, wiping the counters. Reward yourself extra points for lying down for a short nap, not touching the dishes, or sitting outside for more than 20 minutes without your phone. If we’re already playing a game in our minds, why not make it work in our favour?

This has helped me reshape how I think about productivity, my worth and my health.

I would purposefully not start my day until 1 p.m. and be okay with giving my body time to rest and get ready.

I would stay in my pyjamas all day—soft, cozy, and warm.

I would eat breakfast on the couch and not clean it up until the evening.

I’m reminded to take a deep breath when I feel my old tape playing. To let go of any stereotype I’ve created in my mind, and instead, just do what is best for me in the present moment, unbothered and unapologetic.